The purpose of posting this is because it gives a more honest view of what one might say is the downside of awakening. The idea of it being a downside is only from the ego's point of view, in reality it is a very necessary part of healing and removing the sources of suffering that are part of our conditioning and part of our karma, acts based on a misunderstanding of what is real. This is from a blog by a yoga teacher Christine Wushke . http://freelyhuman.com/ It is unauthorized so I don't know what is kosher in this case. The highlighting is my own.
Diary of a Mystic Yogi by Christine Wushke
POSTED BY JOURNEY TO LIGHT WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21,
2009
....Every time I would close my eyes, there was an awareness
of a huge inner space, unlike anything I had experienced before, an
indescribable vastness. There was also a heighted sensitivity to the
inner experiences of others at this time. There was all of a sudden
no barriers or walls. There was no longer an inside and an outside,
as it was before. There was a heighted awareness of connectedness
with everything. Which was lovely at times, and horrible at other
times. It was like anything that had kept me separate from other
peoples joy or pain had been blown to pieces in the void, and now
there nothing in-between me or anyone else.
Diary of a Mystic Yogi
... from 10/29/2009
The next few weeks were very intense, everything that was
comfortable and known had disappeared, and what remained was
not known. The inner experience seemed to have lost the old
familiar sense of momentum, direction, and linear order. There
was an eerie stillness now, a hollow void that had once been filled
with activity and momentum.
The old inner experience had a very linear flavour to it. Everything
moving in sequence, one event leading to the next, in a fixed
continuum. Like a train moving on tracks, progressing through the
stations in a particular order. Going through the void, was like
throwing the train off it’s tracks, and changing things from linear
to random. The inner experience now is more like bubbles floating
in a vacuum. Floating in the unknown, not knowing what will
come next, yet feeling more and more comfortable in that
uncertainty. Never knowing what the bubble will run into next,
totally unpredictable, a total mystery. There is no wind in there to
direct the bubbles, nor is there an inner momentum, just a peaceful
floating sensation, without any urge to ‘do’.
...
The next month was very still, there was a sense of craving
solitude, and deep rest. The lack of separation was very difficult at
this time. The feeling was one of being ‘blown apart’ and left in an
open field with nothing dividing or separating anything or anyone.
Going into public spaces could be excruciating at times, there was
no longer a place inside to withdraw to. There was no inside and
outside, just openness. Everything felt raw and exposed. For a few
weeks, all i could do was work, lay in bed, or sit on the couch.
Everything felt new, and strange. I found it very difficult engaging
in conversation, even with close friends and loved ones, as i felt
everything so deeply, and did not know what to do with it all. Yet
even as this was going on, there was a deep wisdom, or inner
knowing that said ‘nothing is owned’. I would feel a deep sadness
in one moment, and know that it did not belong to anyone, that it
was simply an energy passing by. Nothing was personal anymore.
While everything was felt more deeply, everything also had a way
of passing through on its own. It was no different than a wind
storm i happened to get caught in the middle of. Every storm
would eventually pass by on its own, without any assistance, so a
new sense of trust began to form. That while nothing was
predictable any longer, everything will pass, so there is a new
found permission to allow everything to be as it is."